Another Injured-Original Post November 2006

I haven't posted for a while and a lot has been happening! Derek left for Iraq on November 5. It was a cool Sunday morning. I don't think we noticed though, we were all in such a state of shock. The day we all had been dreading was finally here. Our baby was going back to hell. His words, not mine. He made the comment the night before he was to leave-that he couldn't believe it was already time to go back to hell.
What can a mother say? What words are there to comfort him? My heart breaks for him each and every day. I tried to make a joke of it-I told him it would only take me 10 minutes to pack my bags so we could head for Canada. He said very matter of factly-NO! i knew that this was not an option-not in my son's eyes. But what words are there for a mother to say. I tried so hard to put on a strong front, but I was dying inside. How could I let him go back?
So, we take him to the airport. It was a quiet ride-and not becaue it was 6 a.m. either! Even our daughter and her fiance went with us. No one said a word. We got to the airport, and American Airlines was so kind to us. They gave each of us a pass so we could wait with him in the boarding area. We had to go through security, and of course I wasn't prepared...I had lotion and Purell Hand Sanitizer and cosmetics and I think even a small pair of scissors. But, they kept it for me at the scanner and we went on in. We all sat in a huddle. Praying that they won't call his plane. But they did. Derek didn't wait...he just started walking. We wanted to keep him longer, but he kept walking. And then he was gone...Once he was out of sight, I teared up. My baby was going back to hell...We were all pretty broke up. I said to my husband...can you believe I did this the first time by myself-then drove 1200 miles back home alone?
How do we moms do it? How can we love our children more than life itself and send them off to areas of such danger? Because we are American women. We have been taught to love our children and to preserve life. To honor life and understand that each person's life on this planet is a one of a kind treasure. I do not understand how mothers can raise their children, and send their children to be suicide bombers-knowing that they will never see them or hold them again. I, in my safe little world, just cannot understand that. I pray for these women. I know that they believe in what they are doing, just as I, but I still do not understand.
After leaving the airport, we stopped to have breakfast. As we were being seated, the hostess asked if I was having a good morning. I know she was not prepared for my answer. I started to say yes, but I thought, why lie? I am not having a good morning. I just sent my one and only son back to hell. I looked at her and said no, not really. We just sent our son back to war-to hell. She was taken aback, and I was immediately sorry that I had said this. She didn't deserve that "slap in the face". But many times I find that the people we meet at the grocery, at the mall, and at Wal-Mart do not understand the sacrifices that our troops and their families make each and every day-heck-each and every hour. Maybe I could have said it a little nicer, but then...
Since our son has returned to his company, the situation for him just keeps getting worse and worse. His squad was hit by an IED. The first truck is the truck that was hit. Our son was in the fourth truck that day. The gunner, a 19 year old from northern Indiana was seriously hurt. This is one of my son's friends. one of his soldiers. They shared a room and a bunk. This young man's mom and I have become best friends through this-even though we had never met before that day late in June. I have always told her she is my "right arm". She has now told me that I need to be her son's "right arm". I told her-I am on it! No problem. Troy is now at Walter Reed. He is doing well, his arm is healing. He had shrapnel in his eye, and because of this he has lost the ability to read with that eye. He will be able to see shapes and colors-but that is all. But, we are truly thankful. He was only centimeters away from death. Wondrous gifts come in all kinds of packages.
I will close for tonight. I will try and post more often-stay more up to date. Please remember, even though my son is in Eastern Baghdad, all our troops are in danger-in Iraq, Afghanistan, whereever they may be deployed. Please say an extra prayer for them.
Good night.